Tuesday May 10, 2022

So, You’re Not Attracted to Anyone

Bridget (@ginger.cat.space.daddy), a local MUA (makeup artist) and IT Project manager at a law firm, joins Zoe Airriona and Deion Delgado to unpack queerness and identity. Deion unpacks his experience in the world as a gay black cisgender man. Bridget explores the concept of not finding attraction in any gender as a cisgender woman, while Zoe speaks on her limited experience in the queer community as a bisexual cisgender woman. The three of them learn from one another as they share their vastly differing perspectives, explore their own experiences and biases, and explore how society shapes our identity. 


TRIGGER WARNING: This podcast discusses interracial dating and racism as it is one of our speakers experiences within their dating history. Additionally, our guest speaks to their experience in dissociating during sex and utilizing alcohol as a means to do so. Please, if these are conversations you are not looking to unpack, the hosts advise that you wait for the next podcast topic that fits into your self-awareness journey. Deion Delgado and Zoe Airriona’s intention is not to have their listeners unpack topics they are not ready to explore. 



Deion Delgado’s Song

Sweetest Pie - Megan Thee Stallion 

Be Alive - Beyonce 

Pablow the Blowfish - Miley Cyrus


Zoe’s Songs

Stay Flo- Solange

Work B*tch - Britney Spears 


Bridget’s Songs

Life Song - The Black Angels 

Molasses - Kan Wakan



Cisgender - describes a person whose gender identity and sex assigned at birth are the same

Pansexual - not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity

Bisexual - attracted to both men and women 

Compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) - theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon women by a patriarchial ad heteronormative society; term was popularized by Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essay titled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesibian Existence” 

Asexual - a person who has no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone

Demisexual - sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them 

Sapiosexual - finding intelligence sexually attractive or arousing 

Misogyny -  dislike of, contempt for or ingrained prejudice against women 

Gender expression - the way in which a person expresses their gender identity, typically through their appearance, dress, and behavior 

Monosexism - referred to as biphobia, monosexism is a form of oppression that promotes exclusive heterosexual, lesbian, or gay male behaviors as the only legitimate concepts of sexual orientation 


Videos mentioned: Compulsory Heterosexuality | Hannah Witton 

( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq5S8O0FpS8 )


Readings mentioned: “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” by Adrienne Rich 



00:00 - Introduction 

00:05 - Trigger warning & topic summary

03:01 - Introducing Bridget 

04:05 - Feeling/Song Segment- Deion’s Choices

09:30 -  Feeling/Song Segment - Zoe’s Choices 

12:14 - Feeling/Song Segment - Bridget’s Choices 

15:21 - Queerness & identity conversation begins 

20:04 - Discussing attraction - Zoe’s perspective 

22:40 - Discussing attraction- Deion’s perspective 

24:05 - Discussing attraction - Bridget’s perspective 

27:41 - The value of women and misogyny 

34:16 - Dating as a gay black men 

37:44 - Delgado v. Deion 

41:34 - Perspective from Bridget 

43:22 - Dating talk 

44:19 - Deion’s perspective on dating 

45:28 - Same sex dating & gender roles

46:10 - Same sex dating through Bridget’s eyes 

47:48 - Dating and the power of words with Zoe 

49:16 - Dating and gender roles with Deion 

49:59 - Deion “After Dark”; Deion explains the significance of being a “top”, “bottom” and “verse” in the gay cismen community 

53:12 - Masculine & feminine labels 

58:00 - Quick note on gender expression 

59:21 - Bridget on dating women 

1:03 - Deion unpacks dating men 

1:04 - Deion & interracial dating 

1:05 - Bridget unpacks the male gaze 

1:06 - Zoe talks intersectionality in the queer community 

1:09 - Talking compulsory heterosexuality 

1:13 - Compulsory heterosexuality with Bridget 

1:21 - Deion unpacks men and masculinity

1:30 - Deion unpacks race and dating men 

1:32 - Zoe expands upon race & dating 

1:35 - Final thoughts

1:37 - Closing questions 

1:40 - Final disclosure & close  


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